The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,000 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 33 trips to carry that many people.
Today I have been wrestling with not feeling a part of the team I am on at Church. I have been going through a training process here that has been difficult and often times lonely. I have also been raising support as a missionary through GCM to do the things I have been called by God to do. This calling (Teach and lead artists toward Christ and Godly living) is outside of the regular job description at my church. The truth is I am a part of the team here, and by God’s grace and mercy am able to serve, but often feel as if I don’t fit in and as if nobody knows what to do with me.
When opportunities arise within the church that seem to be needs I can fill, in which my talents can be put to what I would consider good use, I am tempted to go away from the hard call God has given me to raise support and build an art center in Seattle. Instead taking a a job title and description that would affirm my ability as well as my desire to feel a part of something that I am already a part of. What I am a part of is the body of Christ on His mission, to proclaim the glory of God, to all people and all nations. I often even think it would be easier to just receive a paycheck that was not based on the blessings I receive every month from faithful ministry donors who have seen the vision God has placed on my heart, but rather from a job that would be comfortable and affirming, because it is approved. I love my ministry team all people who have decided to be a part of God’s work in building a new community of believers who have come together to “teach and lead artists toward Christ and Godly living”.
I feel like the Israelite’s who in Exodus 16 grumbled about the food God had provided and longed to be back in Egypt eating their Egyptian buffet under the tyrannic rule of Pharaoh. They forgot His provision and calling. He called them to Himself and gave them a means to literally receive His provision, which was to worship and trust Him as they go to the promised land through the desert. I am often times looking to get out of the things God has given me, because I think that something else is better for me, or more comfortable. Really God knows what is best and has called me to proclaim His name above all things to all people, and has given me a specific vision and goal in which I get to respond to His calling with. It is often hard and feels lonely when you are a part of a new Gospel work.
Lord thank you for blessing me with many opportunities. I often times want to take control of those opportunities and long for comfort, and approval from men rather than you. Thank you for letting me be your employee who is always providing me with all the right tools to build your church. You are building your church and I just get to be a part of it. Thank you for calling me to yourself and giving me many ways to respond to your love grace and mercy.
Why is it that things are always so difficult? It seems I always have such good intentions and then they get stifled from the mundane tasks of day to day living. Most likely I just have a bad attitude and need to repent, which would make sense, especially coming from a reformed guy who loves Martin Luther (minus his racist tendencies), who after all said in his 95 Theses “When our Lord and Master Jesus Christ said, “Repent” (Mt 4:17), he willed the entire life of believers to be one of repentance.”, so yes I need to repent, but who owns that? Oh, Oh, Oh (Raising my hand) God owns and grants repentance! After an answer like this I may think “What a good answer, you are awesome” which ends in more repentance. For those who are “Tracking with me” (as Matt Chandler would say) Lord help me I desperately need you.
Ok. After that rant let me tell you a bit about my September. It was exciting fortunately not in the same exciting (disturbing) way August was. (You can read about August here if you want)
So anyway September was great. The first day of the month found me recording for the first time in years. My friend Jared (who is a big fan of music I have made in the past) wanted to get me back in the studio to make a “Suffering and the Hideous Thieves” record. I agreed to try it out and it was fun. No pressure, long term, once a month or so, we will get together and record a few ideas. That was great. I’ll keep you informed if anything comes of it. Two days later we got to connect with a ministry supporter and some our best friends at a BBQ they hosted at their place. It was great to reconnect with people I love and haven’t seen in a long time. That is one of the best things I get to do right now, as I raise support for this new Gospel Work Christ is building. The following weekend sent us to Tacoma where I was able to connect with many other people I haven’t seen in years. We went to a birthday party of a friend of ours who’s daughter was turning 18. We first met her when she was 4 or 5 years old, so it was amazing to celebrate our friend coming of age. I have never done that before. It gives amazing perspective to the life faze we are in. Basically we are old, and only getting older. This is good news to me. I actually can’t wait to turn 50. I look at it as my next benchmark birthday. I got in a fight with a friend at 30, 40 is boring, but 50 is half way to 100 so it’s gotta be good. Any way I digress.
September is always particularly difficult for me. I seem to always get sick, and horribly depressed. I’m convinced I have seasonal depression, because it always happens in the fall and the spring, when the weather changes drastically. Kind of funny though because around here it doesn’t really change that much. So you all can pray for me, as I am entering a season typically held by sickness and despair. On top of that my support raising has kind of flat lined even though I have had the most meetings in a month I have ever had. Having more meetings is because September was the first month I was able to pay attention to the support raising process fully. I even got to spend a week in Chicago connecting with old friends and some new friends. I’m jumping ahead though. Let me come back to that later.
This September was extra exciting! We had a double birthday. If you remember or know Octavia our 9 year old was born September 14 2002, and our 1 year old Eden was born September 15th 2010 so we had our fist ever double birthday party. We had it in a park by our house, and enjoyed the company of many of you including some great friends from California whom we don’t get to see very often. It was fun. I look forward to enjoying many more years of the infamous double birthday party. Eden also began standing up on her own, and walking while you hold her hand. She also has shown a particular liking to me. Daddy’s little girl for sure. It is nice until she starts yelling at me for not holding her. The other two girls were much more interested in Teresa. I don’t blame them, I am too.
So now I will go back to my Chicago trip. I went there for a GCM MTD follow up conference. It was great. A bunch of folks who are building support teams got together and prayed, enjoyed each other and were reminded of God’s grace and what He is doing with us. I got to see my GCM coach Joshua Dull, who has been an amazing friend and support through the support raising process, as well as Chris Ridgeway who is one of my favorite GCM guys. I really enjoy his teaching and guidance. Thanks Chris! After the conference I felt motivated and fortunately I had set up a bunch of meetings with various people I knew and with some help some I didn’t know. It is really amazing to see God work through so many people. Last year two families from Mars Hill Downtown moved to Chicago to be a part of an A29 church plant called the painted door. It just so happen that they live a block from each other and one family was visiting Seattle the same time I was going to Chicago, so I got to house sit, and hang out with a really dear friend whom I haven’t seen in a year. Thanks Kirk and Wes! It couldn’t have been a better scenario. The night Wes and I got together I ate dinner with His family, and then him and I went out to Revolution Brewery for some amazing beer, and afterword I ate my first ever Skillet cookie. They live in Logan square and most of my meetings were elsewhere which meant lot’s of train rides. I love the train and subway and always get frustrated with Seattle public transportation whenever I get to be in a big city like Chicago. As much as people from Chicago complain about CTA at least they don’t have to suffer Metro or SoundTransit.
Another great connection for me in Chicago was another friend who used to intern at Mars Hill back in the day when I worked under Pastor Tim Smith. His name is Aaron Youngren and is has a church called the line. They are very dedicated to the artist culture in the city of Chicago. I got to hang out with him eat dinner with his family and some close friends of theirs. His daughters were amazing! They made me homesick. He hooked me up with some friends of his whom I had some amazing conversations with. I think the line may be the only church I have ever known to use various forms of the performing arts in a way that proclaims the gospel well without watering down the truth of scripture. It was entirely awe inspiring. The way he does discipleship is something every church planter could learn from. Anyway Props to Aaron and all that the line is doing. Aaron was gracious enough to invite me to a lunch with a bunch of church planters sitting in a room asking Jeff Vanderstelt questions about missional communities. It was great. I took like ten pages of notes and then got to talk with Jeff for a bit about Capitol Hill in Seattle. He told me how much He loves that part of Seattle, and longs to see the Gospel go forth in a big way there. I agree, and am excited for the work God is already doing in that neighborhood.
I have a few more highlights about my trip. One of them was that I met a new friend named Matt. I met him through Aaron. Before the trip He told me SWANS were playing a show when I was there. For those hwo don’t know about the SWANS you ought to. They are a brutal, brutal noise band that began in the early 80′s. I grew up listening to their music. Teresa and I saw them once before in 1997, which was supposedly their last tour, but we know how that goes with obscure bands who get popular a decade (or two) later. So anyway Matt and I got to see this amazing show. It was crazy to see 50 year old men playing the most sonically violent music I have ever heard. I also got to go to the Chicago art Institute with my dear old friend Olivia, (not that she’s old I have just known her for 15 years) whom I have not scene Since 2005. She was one of the crazy dead nurses who was in Raft of Dead Monkeys with me, for those of you that know a bit about the bands I used to play in. It was great to catch up with her and to see some of the classics. The last highlight of my trip, was getting to speak at reAction. it is a program that Incarnation Chicago runs. I had a great time seeing what they are doing and entering into the community their. The particular night I want they were doing a critique of a poem some folks in the community collaborative on. Each line was printed over the top of a different color. It made for a strikingly visual read, that ended up accenting the poem a ton. It was great to see how other people critique each others art. Jake and David invited me, because they heard about the things God is doing here in Seattle with Artist Reformation. It was pretty encouraging being invited to speak at an event half way across the U.S. because somebody had heard about the vision God has placed on my heart. Thanks guys for inviting me to speak at reAction, and thanks to all of the people I got to meet with while in Chicago, I appreciate you taking the time to listen to me. I really enjoyed my trip and a special thanks to the McKelvey family for letting me house sit.
I am looking forward to connecting with all of you again, if not on earth then in heaven!
Thanks
Jeff
