The Egyptian buffet

Today I have been wrestling with not feeling a part of the team I am on at Church. I have been going through a training process here that has been difficult and often times lonely. I have also been raising support as a missionary through GCM to do the things I have been called by God to do. This calling (Teach and lead artists toward Christ and Godly living) is outside of the regular job description at my church. The truth is I am a part of the team here, and by God’s grace and mercy am able to serve, but often feel as if I don’t fit in and as if nobody knows what to do with me.

When opportunities arise within the church that seem to be needs I can fill, in which my talents can be put to what I would consider good use, I am tempted to go away from the hard call God has given me to raise support and build an art center in Seattle. Instead taking a a job title and description that would affirm my ability as well as my desire to feel a part of something that I am already a part of. What I am a part of is the body of Christ on His mission, to proclaim the glory of God, to all people and all nations. I often even think it would be easier to just receive a paycheck that was not based on the blessings I receive every month from faithful ministry donors who have seen the vision God has placed on my heart, but rather from a job that would be comfortable and affirming, because it is approved. I love my ministry team all people who have decided to be a part of God’s work in building a new community of believers who have come together to “teach and lead artists toward Christ and Godly living”.

I feel like the Israelite’s who in Exodus 16 grumbled about the food God had provided and longed to be back in Egypt eating their Egyptian buffet under the tyrannic rule of Pharaoh. They forgot His provision and calling. He called them to Himself and gave them a means to literally receive His provision, which was to worship and trust Him as they go to the promised land through the desert. I am often times looking to get out of the things God has given me, because I think that something else is better for me, or more comfortable. Really God knows what is best and has called me to proclaim His name above all things to all people, and has given me a specific vision and goal in which I get to respond to His calling with. It is often hard and feels lonely when you are a part of a new Gospel work.

Lord thank you for blessing me with many opportunities. I often times want to take control of those opportunities and long for comfort, and approval from men rather than you. Thank you for letting me be your employee who is always providing me with all the right tools to build your church. You are building your church and I just get to be a part of it. Thank you for calling me to yourself and giving me many ways to respond to your love grace and mercy.

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~ by jsuffering on October 25, 2011.